New York, New York

I finally got to see New York City! I know that it has taken me a few weeks to write about it, but things have been busy and I finally have some time to sit down and write.

Day #1: This was predicted to be the worst weather, so we decided it would be best to stay inside.  We rode the bus into the city and decided to walk to the Museum of Modern Art.  I was pretty excited to see Starry Night (my favorite painting).  We walked through Times Square on the way to the museum and there was a whole lot going on there! While we spent a few hours wandering the museum, it began to snow outside.  I caught a glimpse through a window and got excited – if only I knew what I was in for later.  We left the museum and wandered the city to find Rockefeller Center and Radio City Music Hall.  We went in and out of a few stores to include Toys R Us with a Ferris wheel on the inside.  We decided to call it an early day due to the snow storm (or BLIZZARD) that we had found ourselves in.

 

 

Day#2:  We rode into the city with a friend of his aunt and uncle.  He dropped us off right at the door of the American Museum of Natural History and watched us walk in – he apparently had a bad experience in the city and he is careful to ensure the safety of others. J We had a lot of fun wandering the floors of the museum and finding different “characters” from the movie Night at the Museum.  At one point, I thought we were almost done and then realized we had three more floors! It is a huge place. We had rented a hotel room for the night (by Macys) and we walked from the museum to the hotel.  There is so much to look at in the City that a walk can go by pretty fast.  We were not able to walk through Central Park due to the damage form the storms, but I took a good look from the outside.  On the walk, we decided that it would be fun to see a show that evening so we walked a little faster to check in at the hotel.  We had requested a specific room (king bed and city view) and when we went to check in they informed us that they were “all out.”  I very kindly asked what the purpose of a reservation was if they planned to give our specific room away.  All in all, we got free breakfast and I reminded myself that I was not there for the hotel room so we left in search of fancy cupcakes and a ticket for the night.  We ended up seeing A Christmas Story: The Musical and it was AMAZING! I was laughing so hard – I loved it! We had a few drinks with some local law enforcement after the show and talked with them about the Hurricane and the impact it has had.  It made me very appreciate to think about all the work they had done, especially when most of them had extensive damage to their own homes yet they still came in to work to help others.

 

I am going to cross another one off the list with these pictures- Shooting the Sunset. :)

#3: We ate our (free) breakfast and then went on a Circle Line Tour by boat to see the Statue of Liberty.  The Statue and Ellis Island were closed due to the damage form the storm, but we were able to get pretty close on the boat.  We walked to the Rockefeller Center from there and went to the Top of the Rock to check out the view.  It was a much nicer day that day and there were people skating at Rockefeller Center and they were working on putting out the Christmas decorations.  We walked to the Empire State Building next and again went to the top for another great view – and to meet King Kong.

 

#4: Today started off pretty somber as we decided to visit the 9/11 Memorial.  It is an amazing site to see.  My feelings were overpowering while there, especially since there was a Veteran’s Day ceremony taking place.  We walked to Battery Park after leaving the Memorial.  On the way there, we were able to see a lot of the damage form the storm including cars that were abandoned as they were very clearly completely under water at some point.  We walked through the Financial District in search of a restaurant – a lot of them were closed due to the damage.  We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, went to China Town, and Little Italy – where I had a great cannoli.  We walked along the High Line – a new walkway that opened up on an old train trestle.  It was very pretty and a unique experience.

 

#5: We rode with his aunt and uncle to the Walkway over the Hudson.  (For a girl that has a semi-fear of bridges, I have crossed quite a few recently.) We relaxed for the afternoon before flying home for the night and back to reality.

**More pictures on facebook.

TMI?

Infertility is a scary word.  The first time I saw it written on my paper when I left the doctor’s office I cried.  It’s not like I didn’t already know that, I was at the doctor for that reason, but seeing it written down made it so official.   It was a long journey to even get to that point and it was by far not the first time the situation has brought me to tears – and it won’t be the last either.

Fourteen months ago we made the very important decision that we were ready to become parents.  At that point, I thought to myself “six months tops” before we would be pregnant.  The first couple of months were not that bad emotionally.  Of course there was disappointment, but that I had expected.  What I did not expect were the feelings of sadness that overwhelmed me as I found out friend after friend… after friend… was pregnant.  I started to really question myself, wondering why I did not deserve to be happy. Did I do something wrong? Why am I not good enough? (Please for any pregnant friend that is reading this or for any friend that has a new little bundle of joy – don’t be offended or worse, feel sorry for me. I am very happy for you and I love getting to play with all the new babies of the group and I look forward to the ones to come.)  The “tearful episodes” became increasingly worse to the point that one time I felt as if I resembled a 3 year old that had just been told “no.”  Luckily, or not so lucky for him, the Hubby has been able to witness just about every episode.  He has also had the joy of dealing with the bouts of sadness where nothing seems to make me happy.  He gets the joy of looking at me and being able to ask what is wrong before I burst into tears. (Disclaimer: I have an amazing Hubby and during all of the above scenarios he held me, let me cry, and kept reminding me that I am not alone in this)

I am going to be brutally honest.  There is NOTHING you can say that is going to make me feel better.  I know that people mean well when they tell you that it is going to be “okay” or “if you just stop thinking about it, it will happen.”  The best answer I ever got when talking to someone about it, “That really sucks, I am not going to sugar coat it.”  It is okay for me to be sad.  It is okay for me to cry.  It is okay for me to be mad.  Anything I want to feel, I can (and will) feel.  You can be thankful for what you have and still feel sadness for what you don’t have- it is okay.  I know that some of my friends have felt as I do right now and there really is not one word that describes it.  You know when you are learning to run and you get a little better with each run and you are able to see the progress? There is no progress with this goal.  Each month is a pass or fail, a positive or a negative if you will.

The positive at this point is we are getting help medically – emotionally is another story.  We went through the standard rounds of tests and discovered that I don’t necessarily ovulate every month. Think back to your health class, that is kind of a vital part of the process.  For the past two months I have been on hormones, which are a real joy when you are already an emotional train wreck.  The good news is that the hormones appear to be working and maybe our dream will come true.